The Relationship comes before you can teach- The Parenting Pyramid by Arbinger Company

It's no secret that our kids will push our boundaries, and it is also no secret that husband and wife will often not agree on how things should be handled when it comes to discipline. How do you find a balance? Is there such a thing? What happens if both parents are on two different playing fields but trying to play the same game? Well, In my experience, it means more communication. And that is not an easy thing. I am a BYU Idaho student right now and in the midst of that, we are raising toddlers and teenagers. It has by far been the hardest part of our parenting journey. We are still getting up in the middle of the night to find binky's and make bottles, but we are also managing cell phone usage and appropriate dating and attire conversations. The easiest way to explain it is that we are up from sun up to sun down making parenting choices. And, we rarely agree. In my parenting class this semester, we learned a new way to look at our relationships through "The Parenting Pyramid." In this process we learned that in order to be affective teachers we must first focus on the parent child relationship, and if that is not good then we need to go deeper and focus on the Husabnd/ Wife realtionship and if that is struggling than we need to focus on our personal way of being and get that part right first. This made so much sense to me! I was so excited to share it with Matt, and together, we mapped out our relationship with each of our children. Yes, even the baby. We looked at how we were each connecting with them and what areas needed improvement in each relationship. It was extrememly eye opening for us to see where our disagreements had permeated the parent child relationship which was then affecting our ability parent said child. For example, our 16 year old daughter knows that I am more lenient when it comes to cell phone usage than her father is, so on nights when I am up later, she pushes the boundary and turns in her phone late. I never say anything, I just take it and put it on the counter. On nights when Matt is in charge, He goes and takes it and issues a consequence if she did not turn it in on time. My lax attitude toward a rule we had a ll agreed on was creating issues in their parent/child relationship. I was hurting his ability to teach her and I had not even seen it before. I was just trying to offer her some grace. I was going about it the wrong way. I was undermining him which showed a weakness in our relationship which ultimately proved to be an issue in my way of being that I am too trusting and want her to like me. This was a HUGE break through Y'all! I'm pretty sure my husband did backflips when I took some responsibility and agreed I could work on it! This was a win for us and for our kids. It helped us to really start asking the right questions of, How can I better teach my kids instead of the question, How can I keep my kids out of trouble? When we ask the right questions, there are usually answers. The spirit was able to teach us the things the lesson didn't, and for that, I am grateful.

We may not have it all together, but, Together, We have it all. xoxo, Jillian You can learn more about the parenting pyramid and other great topics directly from The Arbinger Institute at Arbinger.com I plan on taking their courses when I am not drowning in homework! Anyone want to join me?